I will never be here if its not because of him, when i was just a little girl, he taught me a lot of things, how to draw, to play piano, violin and to sing..he wants me to be a good performer someday, he wished for me to be a good person, He is my super hero, my knight and shining armor, he was the first man in my life...when i do something stupid, he was there not to scold me but to make me realize what have i done, despite of it, he never judge and criticize me,..
I remember, i cannot go to sleep if he will not sing his lullaby for me, when he's at work, he will call my mom's mobile phone, and put the phone in my ear then he will start singing, when he got home he'll make sure that he will bring a present for me, even though he is so tired from work, he will still sat beside me and help me to finish my home work. He inspired me in so many way.
I don't like to ride in a bus ever since, I was afraid that i might fall if i fell a sleep, he took me for a ride in one day, he told me he will bring me to the bus station and ride with it, at first i really cried a lot cause I am too nervous, but he forced me though, he held my hand and asked me to put all my trust to him, and said. " I will never let go of your hands", I was too confident and i trusted him... and because of him I learned how to take a ride in a bus.
He taught me how to ride a bike, he look up to me as a fragile thing, he didn't want me to get hurt, because of my recklessness i drove the bike without his guidance, i fell down and got wounds and bruises, instead of scolding me he told me.." see, that's what you get if you'll do things in a rush, you must learn how to balance, pedal and control before you can ride the bicycle..."
When i was in high school, he told me not to get involved with any relationship in a man, because i was too young then, before i do a thing i must first get his permission and approval, I remember, our school had a camping for three days, at first he was too hesitant me to join in the camp, but i convinced him with my tears, he allow me to join and stay out from the house for two nights and three days. I got surprised when he went out from nowhere, and told me he will stay in the camp with me, and it did happened....
The time came when he had to work abroad, too far from our place, far from his family, too far from me... It was the darkest day, weeks, months and year of my life, to live without him...to live without my daddy.. and because of it, I try to be independent, I started going out with my friends at the mall, mingle to other people... and then I had my first boyfriend, I know it is hard for him to know that i am now clinging to other man's arm, I am now loving other guy than him... When I had my first heartbroken he advised me " don't try to hide what you feel, cry, because that is normal people do"... and I suddenly realize what he said when i fell down in the bicycle," that's what you get if you rush into anything"....
Every time he went home and stay with us, I always make the best of it, 1 month is too short for me, thats why i dont want to miss any moment that i can be with him...
I am now in my adult year, I need him more than any body else, I now need more of his advices and words,...
Every time he will have to go and say goodbye, I dont want to listen and try not to think too much about his departure, Because if i will keep on listening, I could not stop my tears from falling and if he'll see me, he may break down in tears, and thats the fact that i can't bare to see.
One day we had to let go of him, he needs to go to the place where he really belongs, though its hard for us, especially to me, I know I have too,...
A night came in the hospital, it was raining too heavy, I woke up with his hands in my head, and then he utter the words mumbling and shaking..." I am hanging on because of you, I don't want to let go of your hands until someone will ask for it, I want to hold my future grandchild's little hands, I want to teach them how to play piano, violin and how to sing, I want to ride with them in the bus, and not letting go with their hands, I want to be with them in their camping and teach them how to drive a bicycle"...I held his hands and said.." daddy, I am so lucky to be your daughter and I became the most special girl in your life, thank you so much for loving me unconditionally, for giving me a chance to know life and explore things in my own way, dad, I am now okay, I can make this alone, I can stand in my own feet, I can now sleep just listening a radio, I can do my homework by my self, I can now ride in the bus without holding anyone's hands, I can drive the bicycle with control and balance, and i can go camping with my bunch of friends, dad, I am old enough now, you've done a lot of things for me dad, You've been a great friend, companion, adviser and a daddy to me...I will be fine now..You can let go now daddy.." I did not let even single tear to feel down in my eyes, because I want him to see and realize that I am okay....
Morning come,i woke up not because of my dad's hand reaching my head, but because of my mom's cry...my dad finally give up... I cant help but to cry, and i suddenly realize, I can't still sleep at night without hearing his voice, I cannot do all the things perfectly without his advices, I am still afraid to ride in the bus without holding his hands, I cannot bare to go on camping too far from his sights, I cant still let go of his hands, I still need him.... now i could not stop my tears from falling cause I know even if he will see me, he is now okay...
Daddy..I still miss you...I don't know how could I make this without you...
_Femah_
I remember, i cannot go to sleep if he will not sing his lullaby for me, when he's at work, he will call my mom's mobile phone, and put the phone in my ear then he will start singing, when he got home he'll make sure that he will bring a present for me, even though he is so tired from work, he will still sat beside me and help me to finish my home work. He inspired me in so many way.
I don't like to ride in a bus ever since, I was afraid that i might fall if i fell a sleep, he took me for a ride in one day, he told me he will bring me to the bus station and ride with it, at first i really cried a lot cause I am too nervous, but he forced me though, he held my hand and asked me to put all my trust to him, and said. " I will never let go of your hands", I was too confident and i trusted him... and because of him I learned how to take a ride in a bus.
He taught me how to ride a bike, he look up to me as a fragile thing, he didn't want me to get hurt, because of my recklessness i drove the bike without his guidance, i fell down and got wounds and bruises, instead of scolding me he told me.." see, that's what you get if you'll do things in a rush, you must learn how to balance, pedal and control before you can ride the bicycle..."
When i was in high school, he told me not to get involved with any relationship in a man, because i was too young then, before i do a thing i must first get his permission and approval, I remember, our school had a camping for three days, at first he was too hesitant me to join in the camp, but i convinced him with my tears, he allow me to join and stay out from the house for two nights and three days. I got surprised when he went out from nowhere, and told me he will stay in the camp with me, and it did happened....
The time came when he had to work abroad, too far from our place, far from his family, too far from me... It was the darkest day, weeks, months and year of my life, to live without him...to live without my daddy.. and because of it, I try to be independent, I started going out with my friends at the mall, mingle to other people... and then I had my first boyfriend, I know it is hard for him to know that i am now clinging to other man's arm, I am now loving other guy than him... When I had my first heartbroken he advised me " don't try to hide what you feel, cry, because that is normal people do"... and I suddenly realize what he said when i fell down in the bicycle," that's what you get if you rush into anything"....
Every time he went home and stay with us, I always make the best of it, 1 month is too short for me, thats why i dont want to miss any moment that i can be with him...
I am now in my adult year, I need him more than any body else, I now need more of his advices and words,...
Every time he will have to go and say goodbye, I dont want to listen and try not to think too much about his departure, Because if i will keep on listening, I could not stop my tears from falling and if he'll see me, he may break down in tears, and thats the fact that i can't bare to see.
One day we had to let go of him, he needs to go to the place where he really belongs, though its hard for us, especially to me, I know I have too,...
A night came in the hospital, it was raining too heavy, I woke up with his hands in my head, and then he utter the words mumbling and shaking..." I am hanging on because of you, I don't want to let go of your hands until someone will ask for it, I want to hold my future grandchild's little hands, I want to teach them how to play piano, violin and how to sing, I want to ride with them in the bus, and not letting go with their hands, I want to be with them in their camping and teach them how to drive a bicycle"...I held his hands and said.." daddy, I am so lucky to be your daughter and I became the most special girl in your life, thank you so much for loving me unconditionally, for giving me a chance to know life and explore things in my own way, dad, I am now okay, I can make this alone, I can stand in my own feet, I can now sleep just listening a radio, I can do my homework by my self, I can now ride in the bus without holding anyone's hands, I can drive the bicycle with control and balance, and i can go camping with my bunch of friends, dad, I am old enough now, you've done a lot of things for me dad, You've been a great friend, companion, adviser and a daddy to me...I will be fine now..You can let go now daddy.." I did not let even single tear to feel down in my eyes, because I want him to see and realize that I am okay....
Morning come,i woke up not because of my dad's hand reaching my head, but because of my mom's cry...my dad finally give up... I cant help but to cry, and i suddenly realize, I can't still sleep at night without hearing his voice, I cannot do all the things perfectly without his advices, I am still afraid to ride in the bus without holding his hands, I cannot bare to go on camping too far from his sights, I cant still let go of his hands, I still need him.... now i could not stop my tears from falling cause I know even if he will see me, he is now okay...
Daddy..I still miss you...I don't know how could I make this without you...
_Femah_
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